Somewhere Along the Way
Somewhere along the way, I started taking my small blunders too seriously.
Working in a large, open office space was taxing for me. There was a gift hidden in it, too. I was in proximity to other ways of doing and being—and to an unexpected teaching.
My co-worker’s way of responding to her mistakes took me aback. When the awkwardness of her humanity showed—when she made a mess or missed something obvious—she would exclaim, “Oopsie!” for all to hear.
I confess my initial response was a bit judgy, but it was short-lived. My micro-recoil quickly gave way to amusement. The novelty of her instinctual self-compassion transmitted wisdom.
Maybe it’s ADHD; maybe it’s the naivety/inexperience I’m beginning to understand can be par for the course when one enters the world with a preponderance of Gemini energy. Whatever the reason, “Oopsie!” was not on my menu of possibilities for an adult. Am I alone in this?
At some point over the last handful of years, “Oopsie!” has become a practice of sacred kindness. I say it so reflexively now, I’ve wondered if it’s mechanical—an impulse I should eliminate. Sometimes it comes out several times a day. It seemed worthy of self-observation. Here’s what I see…
Somewhere along the way, I started relating to myself compassionately. And it shows.
As I Relax
A Song by Ari Moshe Wolfe
As I relax and I allow, oh, the way, she opens up
As I relax and I allow, oh, the way, she opens up for me
Oh the seasons and the flow are inside me as I go
Oh the seasons and the flow are inside me as I go my way
Oh my breath, you are my guide as the river takes me home
Oh my breath, you are my guide as the river takes me home to now
As I relax and I allow, oh, the way, she opens up
As I relax and I allow, oh, the way, she opens up for me
Oh the seasons and the flow are inside me as I go
Oh the seasons and the flow are inside me, this I know
always
Oh my breath, you are my guide as the river takes me home
Oh my breath, you are my guide as the river takes me home to now
to here, always now
Notes
According to researchers, amusement is connected to humor and includes elements of unexpectedness, incongruity, and playfulness. It’s typically seen as a brief spike in a person’s level of cheerfulness, lasting only a few seconds. The definition of amusement that aligns with our research is “pleasurable, relaxed excitation.”Amusement differs from happiness in that happiness is a general sense of pleasure, whereas amusement appeals specifically to one’s sense of humor.
There are two themes that clearly help distinguish amusement from other positive emotions, like containment, gratitude, interest, joy, love or pride:
An awareness of incongruity (there’s something unexpected about what causes us to be amused—we weren’t expecting that punch line or that behavior or that timing);
When we feel amusement, we feel playful with those around us.
—Brené Brown, Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience
The ADHD world is curvilinear. Past, present, and future are never separate and distinct. Everything is now. People with ADHD live in a permanent present and have a hard time learning from the past or looking into the future to see the inescapable consequences of their actions. “Acting without thinking” is the definition of impulsivity, and one of the reasons that individuals with ADHD have trouble learning from experience.
If a person cannot see what is going on in the moment, the feedback loop by which he learns is broken. If a person does not know what is wrong or in what particular way it is wrong, she doesn’t know how to fix it. If people with ADHD don’t know what they’re doing right, they don’t do more of it. They don’t learn from experience.
“How Adults with ADHD Think: Uncomfortable Truths About the ADHD Nervous System”
