What if losing one’s way from time to time is the way?
What if losing one’s way from time to time is the way?
I’m gesturing around a center core,
an absence.
Initially, it’s excruciating,
unfamiliar.
It is a pearl,
but not a pearl of “substance.”
Hands get it first.
They trace the circumference
of absence, perceive its vibrancy.
Absence warms,
suffusing each cell
of each limb
with feeling.
This elegant force
radiates the tenderest of
affections, encircling vivid
(i)mpulses — to banish, to cling.
Under the influence of absence,
(i)mpulses morph into an
(I)ntimate beloved
(I) wish to protect.
I refuse to close,
to crush absence.
Yes, it’s true;
a part of me can’t stand an insubstantiality
which never fully ebbs.
As the body de-contracts into absence,
the sensation is barely bearable.
How grand!
Exquisite!
And then waves roll in.
Hello, my old friends…
the (i)mpulse to possess
the (i)mpulse to make meaning
the (i)mpulse to tell everyone I know,
to (i)nterpret this, so the good news will spread
far and wide.
Deeper still, blessed absence.
Hands cup absence,
trace its warmth, its depth.
I want to guard what I now fear
may evaporate,
but dare I risk defiling
this delicious vapor?
Vulnerability surges,
then melts into a wish…
“I wish to remember what the heart sees.”
A gesture.
A felt sense.
An indescribable image.
(I)cons, all.
Has anything ever been more clear?
Anything more obscure?
One by one each dial on a
golden lock turns;
I cannot say exactly how.
When the tumblers align, you’ll know.
The Presence of Absence
Last summer I wrote about the presence of a palpable absence.
Though initially enticed and mystified by koan-like words about absence, in the words of a wise Quaker chant, “There is a great difference between comprehending the knowledge of things and tasting the hidden life of them.”
In the synergy of group practice, a gesture emerged. This poem followed. Over time, absence has become “tangible and savorous to me;” though only the teensiest bit more bearable. By nature, it is tantalizingly allusive.
These words are icons. Breathe with them if they call to something within.
Come and Journey With Me
My name is Kirsten. I practice spiritual direction and spacious accompaniment in Vashon, WA and online. Together, we enter presence and attune to your inner experience of life. It’s pretty ordinary, really. Over time, though, an intentional rhythm of slowing down and living awake fortifies the capacity to meet your life with an inner stability. I have reverence for your unique experience of the divine and will be with you as you listen for wisdom.
