The Dynamism of Becoming: Notes from Real Life
“A man needs moments of retirement for the sake of relating attention, parts of himself with other parts, attention to some reality of life in him; then he needs to go towards life willingly in order that it brings him the impressions of himself that he needs, even though they are difficult to swallow. They are food.” -This quote and the title of the post are from Henriette Lannes, as quoted in Attention is the Fire of Our Being
An Aim: To develop finer discrimination around the story-telling impulse
I wish to see
from whence a story
is arising.
A thought enters…
What if the distinction is not discernible
in the substance of the story, but the
felt experience of telling it?
This seeing I wish for will require pain — a felt experience shitty enough to shock the system.
A South Star
I will hear words spill out of my mouth, sticky with self-importance, earnest insincerity. A viable intuition will warp as I mentally rearrange my entire future around what I think I see. Efforts to drag this clear seeing into the realm of explanation will dissipate precious energy. When I realize what’s happening, there will be a unforgettable heaviness. I will briefly despise my humanity. The prospect of loss will be a dark cloud over my head.
This will be good, but I will not see it that way intially.
One of the Many In-Between Moments
There will be a palatable felt experience. A fresh perception will arise. I will be totally lit up inside and not at all sure the dam will hold. Surprisingly, there will be enough will to hold excitement without filling all of the space unconsciously, but I will be white-knuckling. It will require effort and zap my energy. I will do it as a service, a reluctant obedience, a step in the direction of aim.
I will be grateful for an opening and savor this tiny emergence.
A North Star
There will be a mouthwatering taste of another dimension suffusing every cell. Aliveness will surge, and I will let it. (There will be help!) I will not strain to shape to the shapeless. I will breathe with it, let go of needless tensions. This concrescent force will radiate beyond the perimeter. Words will rise and flow like wind.
This impression will be indelible. It will sit next to a snapshot of heaviness. I will hear a voice in my heart say, “Let it go.”
I will not hesitate.
Artifacts will arise from within and without, (I)cons to call me back home.
“May you return to and rest in the center space where your clarity is stone still.” Chad Glazener
I’m Kirsten. I accompany folks as they attune to the inner experiences of life. It’s a place of presence and connection, a place to anchor briefly amid the chaos, a spacious place to be seen and known. If you would like to read more about this type of accompaniment, you can visit my offerings page here.
Related Blog Posts:
How to Move Through a Dark Night of the Soul: A Spiritual Director Holds Space for Obscurity
The Guest House, Helena Bonham Carter Reads Rumi
